Animal police arrive to find a disfigured and very dead squirrel on St. Louis Street. Its body is lying prone, face down. There is no murder weapon to be found. Many female squirrels have gathered and are all screeching at the top of their squirrel lungs. Yellow police tape has been constructed to keep bystanders from contaminating the scene.
Hour 47: Raccoon and his homeboy possum are brought in for interrogation. Witnesses report they were last seen arguing with Squirrel over a nut. Raccoon denies this. Instead saying they always get loud when they discuss food. Possum, on the other hand remains silent, pretending to be asleep. It's clear detectives have their work cut out for them.
Hour 45: Robin can't hold it any longer. She's got to sing. Snitch or no snitch, she saw what happened to Squirrel and those who did it will be held accountable.
Hour 44: Robin is last seen getting scooped away by Mr. Red Taile
d Hawk. Only feathers remain.
Hour 42: Animal police do not have any more leads now than they had 6 hours ago. Lt. Fox is getting impatient. Heads will roll if the Squirrel killer is not captured soon. Even if Lt. Fox has to eat those heads himself.
Hour 39: An anonymous call comes in from someone of limited vocabulary. All the caller says is "Whoo?" He says it twice in a sing song type voice. Police have enlisted the help of their high tech unit to do a voice analysis on the "Whoo?" anonymous caller. Lt. Fox swears to track down this caller who is leaving anonymous tips.
Hour 35: Two Great Horned Owls are brought in for questioning. The media is all over this. As this case has taken on sensational proportions. News hounds are offering under the table enormous amounts of money just for a peak at the police report. It's been rumored that Squirrel was tortured to death.
Hour 30: Finally, a break in the case. A Mrs. G. Snake says she saw what happened. But wants to meet at a local park, somewhere she won't be seen or recognized. Lt. Fox, believes this to be a setup, but still sends Detectives Red Cardinal and Blue Jay to investigate.
Hour 25: The autopsy report has just been delivered by McGwire the bald eagle. He states he's got to fly because the migration season in Missouri has ended and everyone has left but him. His report to Lt. Fox is inconclusive: Mr. Squirrel was strangled to death.
Hour 20: Det. Red Cardinal and Blue Jay meet with Mrs. G. Snake. She tells the detectives that Squirrel was arguing with Possum and Raccoon over the last chestnut. She says she saw them around 3AM last night in the yard near the old vine tree. They didn't see her, as her color changed to match her surroundings. She says things got heated up when Squirrel said he wasn't going to share his nuts. That's when she saw Possum grab Squirrel by the tail and Raccoon grabbed Squirrel by the neck and choked the life out of him.
Hour 10: Magistrate Mole signs the arrest warrant against Raccoon and Possum. A SWAT team commences upon their hideouts. This is about to get ugly.
Lt. Fox sits in the command post as Det. Blue Jay and Red Cardinal swoop down upon Raccoon and Possum. With sharp claws, Raccoon and Possum put up a fight that leaves Blue Jay and Cardinal wounded. That's when the sharp shooters of the animal SWAT team comes in and shoots tranquilizer darts into Raccoon and Possum, drugging them and making them more manageable to get to the police station.
Now that both Raccoon and Possum are in separate interrogation rooms, Possum again plays possum by pretending to be asleep. But, that's okay, because his boy Raccoon is singing like an opera singer. Raccoon cops a plea and says that Possum masterminded the whole thing while all he did was what he was forced to do.
Lt. Fox finds it hard to believe, seeing that Raccoon has a long rap sheet, all assault charges sprinkled with some theft charges. Raccoon has been incorrigible since he started stealing at a young age, forever branded with eyes like a bandit.
The case is wrapped up as Possum finally wakes up and signs a confession along with Raccoon. Lt. Fox didn't have to eat his two detectives this time.
Now, can somebody please tell me how to get rid of this dead squirrel in my yard! I'm not sure if he committed suicide or what...he's just laying there, dead as a door knob!!
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