This is a specially formulated diet designed to help us cope with the stress that builds during the
day.

Breakfast
1 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
1 cup skim milk

Lunch
1 small
portion
lean, steamed chicken
1 cup spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Hershey's kiss

Afternoon Snack
The rest of the Hershey kisses in the bag
1 tub of Hagen-Daaz ice cream with chocolate chips

Dinner
4 glasses of wine (red or white)
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family size supreme pizza
3 Snickers Bars

Late Night Snack - Only women can understand this one
1 whole Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)[Thus
helping with the hot flashes..]

Remember: Stressed spelled backward is desserts

Send this to four people and you will lose two pounds.

Send this to all the people you know (or ever knew) and you will lose
10 pounds.

If you delete this message, you will gain 10 pounds immediately.? That
is why I had to pass it on;? I couldn't risk it. 

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This is one of the best emails I have gotten in a while!



An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.
I could tell from his collar?and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of?

He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head;?
he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the?
hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.



The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.

This continued off and on for several weeks.



Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is

and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'


The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar:

'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep.

Can I come with him tomorrow?'


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Below are four (4) questions and a Bonus question to test your perception, reasoning and the quickness of your logical processing.
They are stated simply so you should try to answer them instantly.
To assure the accuracy of the results, you should not take your time , but instead, answer each of them immediately.

OK?


Let's find out just how clever you really are....



Ready? GO!!! (scroll down slowly to uncover Q's and A's )



First Question :

You are a participant in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?


Answer : If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely WRONG! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, YOU are in second place!

Try not to screw up next time. Now answer the second question, but don't take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?


Second Question :
I f you overtake the last person, then you are...?
(scroll down)



Answer : If you answered that you are second to last, then you are ; ; ; ;WRONG again. Tell me Sunshine, how can you overtake the LAST person??


You're not very good at this, are you?


Third Question :
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator.
Try it.



Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 Now add 30 . Add another 1000 . Now add 20 . Now add another 1000 . Now add 10 . What is the total?


Scroll down for the correct answer.....


Did you get 5000 ?

The correct answer is actually 4100 ..



If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it ?

Maybe you'll get the last question right.... Maybe...


Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono, and ? ?? What is the name of the fifth daughter?


Did you Answer Nunu? NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary! Read the question again!


Okay, now the Bonus round,
I.e., a final chance to
Redeem yourself:


A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush.. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




It's really very simple
He opens his mouth and ask for it....

Does your employer actually pay you to think??
If so Do NOT let them see your answers for this test!


PASS TH IS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE
SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!
Have a nice day, one and all.




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How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman

How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.

What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.

Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you
done wrong?
Made her chain too long

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer
to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told

I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Women will never be equal to men..
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and
still think they are sexy.


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A mom was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school.

He didn't want his mother to walk with him. She wanted to give him the
feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe.

So she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor if she
would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a
distance, so he probably wouldn't notice her.

She said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would
be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.

The next school day, the neighbor and her little girl set out following
behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew.
She did this for the whole week.

As the two walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's little
friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do
every day all week. Finally she said to Timmy, 'Have you noticed that
lady following us to school all week?

Do you know her?'

Timmy nonchalantly replied,

'Yeah, I know who she is.' The little girl said,

'Well, who is she?'

'That's just Shirley Goodness,' Timmy replied, 'and her daughter Marcy.'

'Shirley Goodness? Who the heck is she and why is she following us? '

'Well,' Timmy explained, 'every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm
with my prayers, 'cuz she worries about me so much.

And in the Psalm, it says, 'Shirley Goodness and Marcy shall follow me
all the days of my life', so I guess I'll just have to get used to it!'

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face to shine upon
you, and be gracious unto you; the Lord lift His countenance upon
you,and give you peace.

May Shirley Goodness and Marcy be with you today and always.


I know you smiled!

I sure did, Pass this on and brighten someone's day!

(thanks Paulette G.)





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