Tired of having to balance his wife Cindy's checkbook, Mike made a deal with her; he would look at it, but only after she had spent a few hours trying to wrestle it into shape.

The following night, after spending hours poring over stubs and figures, Cindy said proudly, "I've done it! I made it balance!"

Impressed, Mike came over to take a look. "Let's see... mortgage 550.00, electricity 70.50, phone 35.00." His brow wrinkled as he read the last entry. "It says here ESP, $615. What the heck is that?"

"Oh," she said, "That means, Error Some Place!"


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PR: wait...  I: wait...  L: wait...  LD: wait...  I: wait... wait...  Rank: wait...  Traffic: wait...  Price: wait...  C: wait...

While driving with my daughter and her husband, I noticed that the woman in the car ahead of us had a rather odd vanity plate.

"That's weird," I said, pointing to it. "Why would anyone want to boast about mold on their car?"

"Call me crazy," said my son-in-law after deciphering the phrase, "but I believe that reads 'FUN-GAL.'"




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PR: wait...  I: wait...  L: wait...  LD: wait...  I: wait... wait...  Rank: wait...  Traffic: wait...  Price: wait...  C: wait...

Every year on their wedding anniversary my boss, Woody, and his wife celebrated by staying at the same resort hotel. On their 25th anniversary they booked their usual room. But when the hotel's bell captain escorted them upstairs, they were in for a big surprise. "There must be some mistake," Woody said. "This looks like the bridal suite." 

"It's okay," the bell captain reassured him. "If I put you in the ballroom, that doesn't mean you have to dance."



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Someone

Had to remind me,

So I'm

Reminding

You, too.

Don't laugh..... 

It is all true!
 Perks of reaching

50

Or being over

60

And heading

Towards  Or Being Over

70! 

1.

Kidnappers

Are not very

Interested in you.


2.

In a hostage situation,
You are likely to be

Released first. 


3.

No one expects

You to run  -- 

Anywhere.



4.

People call at 9 PM

And ask,

'Did I wake you?'



5..

People no longer

View you as a

Hypochondriac.



6.

There is nothing left

To learn the hard way.



7.

Things you buy now

Won't wear out.



8.

You can eat

Supper at 4 PM.




9.

You can live

Without sex

But not your glasses.

10..

You no longer think

Of speed limits

As a challenge.



11.

You quit trying

To hold
Your stomach in

No matter who walks

Into the room. 



12.

You sing along

With elevator music.



13.

Your eyes

Won't get

Much worse.



14.

Your investment

In health insurance

Is finally beginning

To pay off. 


15.

Your joints are more  accurate meteorologists

Than the national

Weather service.



16.

Your secrets are safe

With your friends

Because they can't

Remember them either.



17.

Your supply of brain cells

Is finally down to

A manageable size. 



18.

You can't remember

Who sent you this list. 



And you notice

These are all

In big print

For your convenience. 



Forward this

To everyone

You can remember

Right now!

ONE MORE THING:

Never,

Under any circumstances,

Take a sleeping pill,

And a laxative on

The same night!

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Oh stop your whining!  We have NOTHING to complain about. 

   Quebec City    Canada  .

The melt is gonna be something else! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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